ken the grouch goes to the gym

After a day full of anxiety, what better place to go than the gym to try to work it out. Especially today when it took me about two hours at the gym to get it all out of my system. Unfortunately, the people at the gym made me really grouchy instead.

1. Why do people talk at the gym? If someone is talking, it means they aren't working out hard enough. So get busy working out or get busy leaving. Same goes for people who are talking on their phone.

2. If I am the only person using one of a dozen empty treadmills, why do people pick the one right next to me when they could pick from any of the others? Personal space, it's a good thing.

3. Similarly, why do people like to choose the machines directly behind me when working out while there are dozens of free machines to use? I don't need anyone staring at my office chair butt.

4. Why don't older guys put on some pants in the locker room? I just don't want to see it.

5. Why do personal trainers (and sometimes other clients) continually flirt with girls while they are working out? Not only are the girls clearly not interested, but I'm really annoyed by the talking.

6. Does the gym have to buy the cheapest, worst one-hit-wonder music possible? I'd prefer to hear only the drone of the machines rather than some forgotten Hall and Oates track blasting overhead, followed by songs that didn't make the cut for VH1's I Love the 80s.

7. Why do I feel like I'm only breaking even after I finish my workout? Thirty minutes on the elliptical burns about 400 kcal, but the Butterfinger bar I had for lunch is 300 kcal. So 30 minutes on the elliptical undid about 30 seconds at lunch. This doesn't even count the sandwich I had for lunch.

8. Is the gym really the place to show off fashions? I appreciate everyone trying to look decent (especially when most people look their worst while working out, sweaty and all), but is wearing makeup and a three piece color coordinated outfit really necessary?

9. Why do the older guys have to make me look so bad? I know it's my own fault that I'm not in better shape, but I just look pathetically weak next to some guy who's triple my age and lifting triple my weight.

10. Yeah, I gotta lighten up and relax. Otherwise, I might have to change my name to Oscar and yell "Scram!"


Oscar the Grouch and Caroll Spinney (puppeteer)
(Character and photo courtesy of Sesame Workshop)